Chickens in a box

Decided to defect to WordPress, which is much easier to use.  My new home is Chickensinabox.com .  Come and find me! 😀

The context Will has been working towards his DoE Bronze award for most of this year - no mean feat given that for the most part we've been in lockdown and he hasn't been able to get out. In addition to a two day expedition, you have to show that you have learned a skill, been volunteering and also undertaken specific physical activity.  The skill was quite easy, he did beekeeping with me; helping set up for spring, inspections and extraction. For the physical he'd already got signed-off for his boxing. Unfortunately the volunteering he wanted to do for Newbury Mencap just wasn't possible with Covid. I thought maybe he could help as part of a working group at Snelsmore, but they weren't running in lockdown either. The volunteering has been put on the back burner.  The expedition To the expedition. William's team had to plan a two day route from Hungerford Common back to St Barts via Linkenholt and the Wayfarers. About four weeks ago (when it became apparent tha...

On 24th March William was sent home from school with flu-like symptoms as the Covid-19 pandemic took hold, and both he and James have not set foot back since that day. All that changes tomorrow when they are finally going back to school for the start of the autumn term. William now in Year 10 and James is Year 8 can you believe it.  It's actually James I feel for, because he wasn't at St Barts long enough to make proper mates, so has pretty much spent the whole of the past six months at home on his own. William at least left with friends he's been able to keep in touch with over the X-Box and WhatsApp.  To be fair, James is very self-contained; comfortable in his own company. I worry that, because I work full-time, he misses out on playdates because I don't pick him up from school, don't go to the gym, or run, or make it to coffees, or anything like that. It's a sort of mum FOMO that because I'm working, we're out of the social circle. It was really nic...

It seems impossible to do one thing at a time right now. Yesterday I managed to make a chocolate, salted, velvet caramel torte   for dinner at the Greens later, while trying to sort out William's Bronze Duke of Edinburgh stuff because no one has done anything (except Will and his mate Taylor), and it's next weekend. So we put all the team mates into a single group, emailed them over the maps and told them to pack their own lunches/snacks and we'll do the rest. Part of me hopes they don't read them and turn up with nothing. It makes you wonder what the hell the parents are doing behind the scenes? At a guess I'd say naff all.  Next up James had a go at making sourdough, starting to mix the first stage while I did a HIIT out on the terrace; checking in in between sets to help with instructions. In the afternoon James went on to make a tiramisu to take to Richard and Sonya's (along with my CSVC), while I helped out with advice along the way sitting behind the sewin...

An eventful few days.  The boys were challenged to a bake-off by Richard and Helen which was taken extremely seriously. Cakes were planned, ingredients procured, recipes pored over. James decided on a Hugh Fairly-Longname Victoria Sponge, and William for a HF-L coffee cake . The first, a relatively simple and traditional bake with no room for error, the second a more complicated undertaking, not without risk.  Eddie and I as Judges, deposited the boys off at 2pm and returned several hours later to review and enjoy the fruits of their afternoon's labours. In the three categories; technical, creative and flavour, the winners were as follows:  In third place for flavour - Richard and Helen's gorgeous fig and honey cheesecake.  Tied first - for technical; William's coffee cake and for creative; James' Victoria Sponge.  There was much angst that first place was tied, but as we pointed out to the joint winners, you cannot judge two different cakes with the same crite...

Every week we turn up at dog training and have a go at lots of different, difficult exercises. We're currently working towards our Platinum assessment, and Dolly is doing really well, but some exercises are taking time to get the hang of. 'Retrieve' is one (why would you bring a ball back when you could just keep it yourself)? Food manners is another (why would I not eat food put in a bowl in front of me)?  Today we got out of the car to find Jackie looking terrified. 'It's the assessment today.' She whispered in tones of horror. 'It can't be.' I whispered back in similar tones. But it was. And it wasn't just the dog that has to pass - you are expected to answer questions about dogs. Correctly. I know, right?  As luck would have it I had a pocketful of steak so I thought what the hell, we'll give it a go. Here's how it went... Send to bed: Dolly waits, watches me walk 20 paces away, put a towel on the ground, come back to her, yell '...

This is ridiculous. I haven't been to David Lloyd for five months but yesterday, with six guest passes sitting in my DL app, I decided that on a beautiful sunny day I'd go mad and actually take the kids OUT. OF. THE. HOUSE. Controversial I know.  We got there with an hour's swimming left to run, which we hoped meant we'd missed hordes of other people's shrieking kids. As it turned out, not only had we missed them, we'd missed the swimming time too. Although the DL website had signposted a 5pm finish at the outdoor pool, the 12 year old receptionist waved a rather grubby piece of paper at me on which the 5pm had been crossed out in biro, and replaced by 4pm. She offered to let me take a photo of the paper as proof that she had refused us entry, which was kind of her.  Turned out the lifeguard (also 12) had knocked off for the day, and despite the fact that the pool is about 1.5m deep and the kids all good swimmers over the age of 12 supervised by a responsible a...

Today was two days later, time to take the tape off the end of the candy plug keeping the queen bee in her lollipop cage and let the bees on either side eat through to release her into the hive at last. All morning I was really nervous; worrying that the grumpy bees in my hive might have stung her to death, or she’d got too hot (ridiculous), or just died of being confined for too long (equally ridiculous). Above all I worried that I wouldn’t be able to pick the cage out from between the two frames as it’s tucked right in, and on the diagonal. I didn’t want to risk it falling to the floor of the brood chamber. So many things had already gone wrong in my fevered imagination before I’d even got out of bed. I decided to employee Eddie as a second pair of hands.   First things first though and for a while the queen bee was on the back burner. It’s Saturday morning - cleaning and shopping day. In a weekly ritual we divide and conquer (with complaints from both boys relative to the chore...

The boys and Eddie have gone to Hengistbury Head for the day, leaving Dolly and I at home sleeping and working respectively. We were supposed to have been going as a family on Monday this week, but the forecast was dire - and correct as it turned out - so we postponed until the sun returned. Unfortunately as Dolly's paw is still healing after she sliced and diced it on the litter  [insert sharp item of choice from the following: dog food carton, Strongbow/Monster/Red Bull can, shard of glass] up at Donnington Castle , there was no way she could go to the beach.  So I am dog-sitting while the others eat fish and chips and ice cream, and dig holes in the sand. 😢

I don't have much luck with queens, they seem to like going AWOL for no apparent reason, leaving me with a hive infested with drones and bad tempered workers. The last time I ordered a queen bee she ended up swarming and went to live in the neighbour's hive, much to his amusement when he realised he'd caught himself a beautiful new mated Buckfast queen. Note that there was no offer to return her.... This year I must have made yet another rookie mistake in trying to prevent my one hive from swarming in the Spring. I took a queen cell out to make up a nuc, but in the end, neither that cell, nor any subsequent queen cells in the main hive, ended up actually bearing a bee of any shape or form. I've waited for a while before taking the leap and ordering a new queen in case a maiden was out looking for husbands and just hadn't come back yet, but in the end as the drone brood piled up and no worker brood appeared week after week, it was time to step in.  My Buckfast-cross ...

Littering is out of control around here, particularly in the parks and up at Donnington Castle where people tend to congregate for picnics now they can't go to Costa or Pret or McDonalds or wherever they used to drag their kids. Now you see families waddling up to the castle with their buggies and kids most days. In the evenings they make way for the teenagers; parking up to smoke joints and shag their girlfriends.  The resulting mess is indescribable. Cigarette packets, McDonalds and KFC meals - whole meals, including chicken legs, burgers and chips - left on the grass. Strongbow and Red Bull cans scatter the hills and chocolate wrappers whizz past in the wind before settling down along the path.  Amidst the debris, the families sit happily with their children, adding to the piles of rubbish.  Walking Dolly at dusk last week (and raging), I went back the following morning with dog and bin liner. All the rubbish from the night before was exactly where it had been left, so...

Yesterday was greatly looked forward to by William, James and I for many reasons; Will because he got to spend the day with his best friend Taylor, James because he got to spend the day without Will and myself because I'd decided to spend the day doing as little as possible.  After Will had set off for Taylor's, James and I jumped in the Mazda and headed off as planned to The Wellington Arms for lunch. They had a wonderful spread of homemade quiches, pies and incredible sausage rolls along with sourdough loaves, cakes, flans - you name it, as well as a wide range of home grown vegetables you can take home. Then you have the option to stay and eat either in the restaurant proper, or choose from the cafe menu. We'd come this far...so we both went for deep fried courgette flowers in tempura batter from the Welli Deli cafe, washed down with a Fever Tree lime and soda.  Well the size of those flowers - they were huge. The batter light as a cloud, sprinkled with the thinnest sli...

A week off, but not a switch off. It's hard not to keep an eye on the coalface and I did have one thing I had to finish while I'm off. To be honest I don't really mind. My friends at work are all so lovely. I don't know how I would have coped in lockdown without them. Although we do everything over Webex, just knowing that every day I'll have a chat or a meeting of some kind to keep me communicating and thinking, makes a big difference. When I'm on holiday I do miss them, and worry that everything's going OK without me (which of course it is).  In other news the sun is shining and yesterday after five long months of Veet hair removal cream I was finally able to get my legs waxed and some gels put on my toes. Painful but worth it (I wore a mask). Tomorrow I'm getting my hair done. 'Wash, cut and blow dry?' Asked the receptionist who called to book me in. Oh no, I'm going to need a lot more than that my friend....By my birthday on Friday I shal...

Lockdown is lifting, but new freedoms come (quite rightly) with new rules, and as of my birthday, here in the UK it will be mandatory to wear masks in shops.  To date, wearing masks here has been down to personal choice. I haven’t worn one yet, mainly because I haven’t gone anywhere that requires me to. As I spend my time at home working, walking the dog – on my own – or punishing myself with online gym glasses, my view has been that I don’t need to wear a mask.   Last night I was talking to a couple of friends on WhatsApp and the subject of masks came up. If I’m honest, I knew I was likely to get a rise if I mentioned I didn’t even own one. I was right. For the remainder of the conversation I was told I should be wearing a mask, wouldn’t want to end up on a ventilator and should get out to the shops (newly acquired mask on) for my own mental health. Eventually, the offer was made to send me a box of masks to which my reply was along the lines of ‘thanks but no thanks.’  ...

Lying on my gym mat early this morning staring up that the sky I noticed the swifts had gone. Usually there are several circling high above me as I crunch through a variety of painful core exercises and yesterday there seemed to be more than usual, so I suspect that the babies have fledged, and the new families have set off on the long flight back to Africa for the winter.  Looking up at the blue, empty sky made me realise how long it's been since lockdown began and life became unbelievably mundane. My routine over the past three months has hardly deviated from the following: 06.45 - alarm goes off, Radio 4 goes on.  07.00 - head to kitchen to greet hound and put the coffee on 07.13 - set up laptop on small coffee table on the patio (weather permitting), get coffee and a pint of water and log into the gym class 08.00 - finish class, breakfast, shower, log onto work 10.00 - walk hound, then back to work 12.00 - lunch 12.30 - back to work 15.00 - guitar practice (if time) 18.00 ...

It's still lockdown, although restrictions are lifting slightly. To be honest that doesn't make much difference to us; we're still home schooling, Eddie and I are working all hours on back-to-back calls and outings are limited to the supermarket on a Saturday. Well, Eddie's outings anyway. I do the cleaning most Saturday mornings, which essentially means I don't go anywhere apart for Dolly and my daily dog walks. It's OK. We're kind of used to it now, and with virtual workouts on the terrace added into the mix and some guitar practice here and there I don't get bored. We recently had Grandma to stay for a week, which was an interesting experience. Our good intentions were to let her have a week with the family, keeping busy and doing lots of different things as her life at home is very quiet. But after a few days we came to realise that actually she is much happier living quietly than in the constant hubbub of our own family where there is very little (i...

This time 17 years ago, I was running down the corridor of the Vineyard, Stockcross; late for the Rolls Royce waiting to take me to my wedding. Upstairs in the box with my wedding dress is a beautiful silk throw I was going to wear, but in the rush, completely forgot all about it and to this day, it has never been worn.  Today's celebrations started yesterday, but as we can't go to a restaurant we got a takeaway from the Blackbird in Bagnor instead. Just a treat not to have to cook. We had Waitrose finest dry champagne to wash down our panzanella salads (delicious), and a stunning 2007 Margaux we'd brought back from Lacanau Ocean years ago to go with our burgers (so-so). Pudding was enjoyed on the sofa with the boys in front of Gozilla. All in all a perfect way to spend the evening.  It's a beautiful sunny day today and we have just come back from a walk from Old Burghclere along the old railway line, then up to Watership Down and back down Ladle Hill to finish. You cou...

There is a definite accumulation of dog poo everywhere as the slovenly British Public seem to think that in lockdown no one is going to notice if they don't pick it up. So now it's everywhere, and you have to keep your wits about you to avoid treading in the stuff. Sometimes you sidestep on in the middle of a path, only to end up in another one hiding on the edge. It's like Russian Roulette. Yesterday I ended up getting dog shit in my EYE. I was walking along the paths round the back of Bagnor with Dolly and suddenly felt something land on my eyeball. Thinking it was a bit of mud, my first reaction was to rub the eye to see if whatever it was would come out. And then the most God awful smell hit me and I knew it could only be one thing. Still rubbing my eye (and cursing the Universe) I was not only in agony physically, but now had to mentally process the realisation that it wasn't mud but significant clot of dog poo. As an unsympathetic friend commented yesterday, t...

Lockdown has definitely been made more bearable by the fact that for the past four weeks we've had beautiful warm sunny weather. But no more. April showers may be late, but they've arrived with a vengeance and the foreseeable future is a wet one. I face the deluge with some optimism that there will be fewer walkers out (the non-walking, be-legginged fatties will stay indoors) so Dolly and I will have more space for her to hoon round for a while. Having said that, she looks less than impressed at the prospect of getting soaked out there. In other news the boys are back to 'school', which for Eddie and I means constant nagging at them to wash, work, tidy up, eat properly etc. If we weren't on at them all the time, they wouldn't do anything at all, but it's very difficult when you're trying to work at the same time. Picking shoes up off the floor appears to be a particular challenge, and William's dressing gown has been likened to Dr Strange's cap...

It's a bit of a long story, but I have some time while I inhale a hot cross bun... As we all get used to being prisoners in our own homes, a lot of people are discovering video conferencing for the first time, and Zoom has been way, way ahead of the game in getting them on board. It's got to the point now, where people who'd never made a video call in their lives, have now made Zoom a verb; "I'm Zooming so 'n so today", "I'll Zoom you later." Of course I'm the exception, living my entire working life on video calls, and those calls are on WEBEX. I'd never even heard of Zoom until lockdown to be honest. And it's rubbish. But you can't say that to the Zoomers, it's like saying Australia's rubbish - taboo (but true). There's a point to this. A friend recently forwarded me details of our ex-BodyPump trainer Rich , who's set up virtual classes - on Zoom. Now...do I sacrifice my principles for sub-standard t...

As a true Brit, I can only say thank goodness it's not raining. It's actually beautiful outside, all the spring flowers are out and the sun is shining. With a dog to walk, no planes in the sky or cars on the road, the days are quiet, simple and peaceful (apart from the boys constantly fighting). Work isn't letting up, but communication is a priority and rightly so. There's a lot to do, and I'm grateful to be busy with lots to fill my days to the point that fitting in anything else can sometimes be difficult. Routine is important, and I'm getting used to my 9am HIITs and this morning Dolly woke up at 11am on the dot because that's when we always go out for our 1 hour walk. Very excited to see that our David Lloyd 6.45am BodyPump instructor Rich has now set up his own virtual sessions, so I am definitely going to give those a go. In the absence of dumbbells I'm sure a kettle bell, log or acquiescent pet could be lifted as an alternative. I'll give ...

Motivation zero as I struggle towards the final call of the day. It feels like I've been very busy achieving nothing. I've done my HIIT, gone on all my calls, worked through the To Do list, walked the dog. I even managed to get the boys to turn our shed into a 'grotto' (a shed with fairy lights essentially), a project completed under extreme duress. I'm now on Jasmine tea and the long countdown to supper and eventually bed time.This not-being-able-to-see-anyone-or-go-out-anywhere-except-for-exercise-and-even-then-only-somewhere-near-your house is seriously boring. 😣

We're gradually settling into a semblance of a routine. Well, I am anyway. Work is ramping up and I am grateful to be useful and still employed. On Friday our comms lead sent an email to let us know we were all allowed to take a day's holiday in the next two weeks to try and alleviate the pressure a bit, it's a really kind thought and I'm already looking forward to a day off, even if there's nothing to do! So, routine-wise, I've started doing PE with Joe  on the mornings where I'm free at 9am for 20 minutes. It's a good way to start the day. The boys would rather stick needles in their eyes than join me, but Dolly enjoys lying on my gym mat for a snooze while I jump up and down. Then it's time for a few hours of work before taking Dolly out for an hour at lunchtime. More work/calls through the afternoon, broken by 20 minutes dog training late afternoon. Last checks on emails/actions at around 6pm and then I log off. How long will this go on for? ...

As of last night we are only allowed out of the house if shopping for essential items and for one form of exercise - walk, run or bike, with members of the family only. If you have to go into work for any reason you can, but that doesn't apply to us. There's nothing else. So we are holed up here for the foreseeable future. It's pretty grim. This morning I forced the boys to join me for a 9am HIIT session with The Body Coach, who screeched at us for 20 minutes as we puffed our way through mountain climbers, high knees and a variety of other less-than-graceful moves. I thought it was great. The boys looked as though they'd rather have caught Corona. We move on to the 'remote schooling'. It's like pulling teeth. The boys would rather do anything than school work and if you take your eyes off them for a second, they'll be playing some kind of internet game instead. William produced a piece of geography so dire I made him rip the page out and start agai...

It's Day Five of self isolation since William was sent home from school. The fact that he bounced back within a couple of hours is irrelevant, the entire family now has to isolate for 14 days. The only outlet we have to escape into the outside world is walking the dog. As a result, life has gone online. On Wednesday evening we held a virtual book club and then on Friday virtual pub club. Both brilliant ideas and so great to connect with friends and actually 'see' people! For many it's a novelty and even space age idea, for me a bit of a busman's holiday and means I end up actually working longer hours as can check my emails at the same time as talking about book or drinking wine (possibly not a good idea). Also offended that everyone seems to be using Zoom, one of Cisco's major rivals to Webex and a poor competitor at that. Must try and turn the tide and set up some Webex calls instead. To be honest, as I work from home four days a week already, adding a f...

This morning I got a call from William saying could I pick him up because he was being sent home with flu-like symptoms. So I jumped off my Webex call and headed off to pick up a small, ghostly figure standing miserably outside Reception. What this now means, is that the entire family has to go into social isolation. So when I pick James up in about ten minutes, he's going straight home and none of us are allowed anywhere until 1st April. Now I'm worrying we don't have enough stuff in the house to keep us going. My friend at work has KitKats! Clearly we should have KitKats, but we don't. Have sent a panic email to Eddie asking him to do a post-isolation-run on the way home from work to get chocolate (including Easter Eggs), gin, wine, crisps and fresh fruit & veg. Essentials basically. Yesterday I gave Waitrose a quick visit to see what there wasn't: eggs, pasta, loo roll, flour, chopped tomatoes, tuna, Paracetamol, anti-bacterial hand wash have now complete...

Coronavirus is sweeping the nation, sweeping the world. How worried should we be? I went to the gym yesterday and there was much fuss made about spraying your mat before you got on it, after you'd been on it, then before you got on it again etc. That's after you'd opened and closed your locker, been to the loo, opened several doors - all without germ-killer. It's exhausting, boring and as far as I can see ultimately pointless. If we're going to get it we're going to get it. The boys are still at school every day in a haze of germs, and I can't see that any amount of anti-bac is going to ward off the inevitable. Having said that, I occasionally do a sweep of Waitrose on my travels and for the past week there's been no hand wash or loo roll on the shelves. Why people can't just use soap and water is beyond me. I moved swiftly onto the Easter egg aisle. Never let it be said I don't have my priorities in order.

It seems like a long time ago we were in Megeve skiing, but it's actually only been a week. The trip was fantastic, ski school worked brilliantly and we finally found a perfect instructor that the boys thought was cool - no mean feat. They're now very happy zipping down blacks, moguls, through forests, you name it. I wish I could keep up, but I've always been one for technique with style rather than speed, so am now designated rear-bringer-upper. Otherwise great weather, food, chalet, location. It was worth the wait. We are currently trying to settle back down into life as usual. William has chosen his options for G.C.S.E and we have Y9 parents evening tomorrow, meanwhile James has been picked out as Talented, Gifted and Able (we have put the emphasis on the 'able' to try and prevent him from becoming even more unbearable...). At the coalface I am stressing out about an All Hands event on Wednesday I don't feel ready for, but after 5 hours of solid planning,...

I'm cross. Cross because James has one trainer. The other has disappeared somewhere inside St Barts, he knows not where. He trod in dog poo wearing his other pair, refused to clean them, left them out in the rain for two nights and I eventually threw them in the bin this morning. So now he has one trainer. And we're going skiing tomorrow. Cross because William has a pair of trainers. But has left them at school. Which is now locked for half-term. And we're going skiing tomorrow. Cross because I have a teenage German Shepherd the size of a shetland pony, who looks like she'll bite your arm off, jumps up on people and doesn't listen to me. Cross because William refused to go on the theatre trip this evening and I had to come up with an excuse why. I'm now £26 down. Cross because we're going on holiday tomorrow and we haven't got anything ready (well...I have. I got everyone's gear out weeks ago, but everyone else seems to assume the packing w...

Home alone this week while Eddie's in the US. It's been a whirlwind for him the last few days; Munich, in-and-out-in-a-day on Wednesday, then up to Norfolk to visit his Dad on Friday night, who is extremely frail and now using a feeding tube sadly as the MND continues to take its toll. He got back on Saturday night just in time to take the Old Ball 'n Chain (which would be me) out for supper and is now enjoying the glamour of Columbus Ohio. Suffice to say we are all looking forward to our ski trip to Megeve on Saturday - Coronavirus notwithstanding. I'm all set to do the cattery and kennel rounds on Saturday morning before we go; dropping Daisy off at Enborne and Dolly for her first stay at Newbury Lodge (she will HATE it). Then we head off on the red-eye, ungodly o'clock Euro Tunnel crossing to France. Eddie's on the night shift and I'll take the reins at breakfast, or petite dejeuner as we'll be saying by then 😊Tres bon, tres bon. Snow looks good,...

Look what we found left on the porch this evening! A very special gift from Mitzi and all her new mates. 🥚🐔 Miss you Mitz, but we're thrilled you're happy (and not eaten)!  💚

William left for Germany an enthusiastic, kind and relatively well-adjusted boy. He has returned a glowering, miserable teenager, filled with disappointment at his rubbish life, family, house, pets etc. The combined sarcasm and vitriol is toxic and, hurtfully, mostly aimed at me, which I assume is because I'm the only adult target around as Eddie's always at the office. Asked about his trip after picking him up and looking forward to hearing all about it I got from Will was; "What is this, an interrogation by the mafia?" Things didn't improve, and weren't helped when we dragged him - grunting and snarling - to the Y9 options evening at school, where he promptly slumped horizontally in his seat and fell asleep. Putting the attitude down to over-tiredness he had an early night, but sadly today it's safe to say that nothing has changed and he is as mono-syllabic and sarky as he was when he came home yesterday. Let's not forget that life revolves aro...

By all accounts there have been highs and lows. The highs Playing Jenga A room to himself Astronaut SIM Visiting Cologne and climbing the cathedral Walking along the Rhein Eating junk food Riding on the back of Mohammed's bike Buying a House Targaryen pillow ('sick GOT merch') The lows Year Ten idiots picking on him Eating junk food Getting bored Feeling homesick William's flying home today and I can't wait to see him, the house has been so quiet without him here. I've really felt his absence. Suspect he'll be very happy to be back! Looking forward to hearing how it really went for him and very much hoping that the highs outweighed the lows.

It is my firm belief, that as parents it's our responsibility to give our offspring every opportunity possible to experience new things and learn, so that they can make decisions around what they're interested in and enjoy, and what they don't. So rugby, football and judo all fell by the wayside, but tennis and boxing are going strong. William is also just about to start Duke of Edinburgh, which I hope will be an amazing experience for him, although sometimes it does feel a bit like dragging a horse to water with no expectation that it will actually drink. To the Exchange. The rationale  I went on a French exchange when I was 12 and got on brilliantly with the girl I was paired with. In the dim and distant past when I was young, there were no mobile phones, you just got parachuted over to Bagnols sur Ceze and left for a fortnight. I do remember my heart sinking as I contemplated my first ever French meal; rabbit casserole followed by rice pudding and jam. Both DISGUSTI...

Grape finally breathed her last. And moments later, Mitzi was up on her perch looking for her lost friends. What to do with a lone chicken? I put the question to my PubClub and GymBunnies WhatsApp groups respectively, and the consensus was unanimous - you can't rehome a chicken. They just get pecked to death by the new flock you've introduced them to. Same scenario if you introduce a new 'friend' to the incumbent bird. As a last resort I drove down to Marsh Benham to see my Chicken Man, who agreed with the WhatsApp groups - Mitzi had to go. He kindly offered to do the honours the following day. Out of options and feeling very forlorn, I agreed to drop her round after I'd had my hair done.  But then....then next day...just as I was getting my highlights done...the phone rang. It was a friend of a PubClub friend; "Is your chicken still alive?" Asked the friend. "Because if it's not too late, I'd like to take her." A few hours later ...

The four namesakes of my blog are steadily departing this mortal coil. We lost Peaches some time ago; discovered one morning, petrified and stiff in the pen after a brief life as a feral hen, roaming the shrubberies and roosting in the trees. I'm going with Sudden Chicken Death Sydrome. MotMot slowed down so much that she stopped altogether. Poor Grape is currently hanging on by a thread but I fear she will ultimately follow in MotMot's footsteps to the Great Chicken Coop in the Sky. With the temperature down to -5 or less at night, I've put her in a box in the kitchen so that at least she can die in peace and warmth. So far Dolly hasn't noticed, or I suspect her departure would be speeded up considerably. Eddie has kindly made the 'poultry shears motion', offering his own alternative path to a quick death. Mitzi is the last hen standing. Bravely holding her own out there in the frosty garden, but worried about Grape, who she usually clucks around supporti...

Why did I think this was a good idea? I've never felt so awful in my life. Every morning I wake up feeling as though I've been clubbing all night. I've lost NO weight and have spots.

Ding Dong! The Builder is fired. Which old Builder? The incompetent Builder down the road! Ding Dong! The Builder is fired. Wake up - sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed. Wake up, the Builder has gone. He's gone where the goblins go, Below - below - below. Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out. Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low. Let them know The useless Builder's been fired! "As Resident of the Square, In the County of Berkshire, I welcome you most warmly." "But we've got to verify it legally, to see." "To see?" "If he..." "If he?" "Is morally, ethic'lly." "Spiritually, physically." "Positively, absolutely." "Undeniably and reliably. Fired" "As your Lawyer I must aver, I thoroughly examined his work. And he's not only merely fired, he's really most sincerely useless....