Chickens in a box

I had a lovely morning yesterday chatting to the girls at playgroup, feeding James and watching William tootle about. Will is such a careful little boy, not boisterous at all. He was trying to copy a little girl going down one of the slides on her front, but did it on his hands and knees in case he went too fast. Sometimes I get a lump in my throat just watching him - I want to scoop him up and run away with him! HOWEVER, peace comes at a price and the afternoon was hideous with both boys screaming pretty much non-stop. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Poor Will has a stinking cold so I ended up dosing him with Calpol while feeding James and finally got a moment's peace. Typically, by the time Eddie came home at 6.30pm calm was restored and he couldn't understand why I was in such a foul mood. As far as James' sleeping goes, we hit Waitrose and stocked up on Aptimil cartons to top him up before bed, and the dreaded dummy as a last resort. I'd actually m...

They fit at last (I think I bought them about a year ago)....!

If only he was this angelic at night! Off to go and scoop up the poor shrieking boy now, and try to settle him in front of Holby City before Eddie comes home (currently fighting his way down the M4 past a multiple pile-up - G.R.E.A.T).

Downstairs trying to eat dinner while James shrieks upstairs. What can we do? Nothing works. He won't settle no matter what we do. We're at our wits end. 4 minutes to go and we'll go to him. If I thought anything we could do would make a difference we'd do it - but seriously, NOTHING IS WORKING. Going to take another swig of my chardonnay and go back into the fray.

2006 Nothing much changes in a year does it? Eddie and I spent today trying to recover after a particularly hideous night with James which ended up with me pacing in front of 'Greystoke' (good film) at 2am. Nothing seems to work - he is changed, fed, winded, clean and tired but he won't settle if you hold him, rock him, put him in his chair or cot - nothing. So we're at the stage where we feel if he won't settle anywhere, he's just going to have to learn the hard way. Today was understandably all over the place and James slept for most of it which doesn't bode well for tonight. The plan is to let him cry for 10 minutes at a time before settling him, but it's horrible. The screams go through you like a hot knife through butter - I never knew 10 minutes could take so long :( But we'll see if maybe it'll help him realise that bedtime is bedtime. If not, we're out of ideas.... 2007

Well I had to put James somewhere while I sorted out the washing.

James isn't too bad actually, he usually feeds at around 1.00am and then 4.00am and by then I'm so tired I nod off too and wake up when he squeaks. But the early evening is still hellish. From 7.00pm until around 9.30pm he absolutely will not settle. He'll be bathed, fed, clean and exhausted, but the minute you put him in his moses basket all hell breaks loose. I don't have the answer - Will was equally appalling. Maybe it's because I've been feeding him downstairs rather than in the quiet of our bedroom? I think tonight we'll bring the moses basket down, so when he's finished a full feed, rather than walk him upstairs, we can just pop him in really quickly. Might work. Worth a try! Alas with two I can't lock myself away in a darkened room to feed as I used to with Will, so compromise has to be the way forward. We shall see.

What I wouldn't give to be this baby! Back at home after a bit of a stressful visit to work where I got hounded by security for most of the time. Not unexpected - they're rotweillers - but you'd have thought given my circumstances they'd have cut me a bit of slack. The main thing was seeing everyone and introducing James and I was so pleased we went in and said hi. When I was finally chased off the premises by yet another over-zealous security guard I sought sanctuary with Debs via Waitrose! James and I finally got round to doing the 'screaming-baby-at-the-checkout' thing (a rite of passage) and then a lovely natter over coffee and millionaire's shortbread with Debs, Taylor and Milla. Am now back at the ranch, manically trying to do my chores and eat lunch before His Nibs wakes up and really starts going for it...about 10 minutes to squeeze everything in then....I think I might have to put Heat on ice :(

A word on Molly, who is still in high dudgeon following the arrival of James. However, despite everything she still insists on coming with us on every walk, getting to the end of the village and then waiting patiently until we come back from our adventures. The other day Eddie, Will, James and I tootled off up Jaggers Track with Molly following nonchalantly behind. But we came back a different way... 3 hours later I wondered why she hadn't been in for her supper, when I suddenly realised where she was - I poked my head out of the front door and called for her. She'd been sitting at the start of the track where we'd left, waiting for us to come home. Now THAT'S loyalty.

I have! It's my bed - a brief respite from the chaos while the boys sleep. We had a lovely day yesterday apart from the final frontier - bathtime - during which James decided to shriek non-stop at full blast while William found out he could pull down his nappy, full of the most hideous, sticky, smelly, revolting poo he could possibly have produced, and proceed to step it into as much of the carpet and surrounding furniture as possible. It was at this point I totally lost it and bellowed for Eddie to STOP doing the DIY and come and help me! When we eventually wrestled both boys into bed it was just time for the results of Strictly Come Dancing and then as far as I was concerned I only had enough energy left to sink into the bath followed by bed. A life? I'm reliably informed this is one, but you wouldn't know it sometimes. Today has been OK, it's my first alone and apart from a few clashes first thing (at which point I headed out into the fog with both sons strappe...

Poor old Will, it's one thing after another for him and our current challenge is warts. His left hand is covered. So night after night we Bazouka him in the hope they'll go - so far his hand is a total mess, covered in white goo, but they do seem to be getting smaller, so we live in hope. In the meantime James is thriving, I can't believe he's a month old tomorrow. Am typing like a demon because I can hear escalating squeaks from above and know I'm on borrowed time. Last night the little sod (number 2) screamed throughout the entire rugby world cup. Was ready to lob him out of the window after 4 hours of it... :( On a less stressful note we had a visit from Sarah, Janie and Isabella on Friday. Great fun and much shepherds pie consumed and coffee drunk. A lovely day. James has got some serious growing to do to catch-up with his new girlfriend!

Why is it that whenever we need peace and quiet, chaos always seems to hit in the shape of yet more house renovation. We're now working our way through the downstairs, starting with the Snug then the Sitting Room, Hall and Dining Room. Jim and Eddie have already shimmied up the scaffolding to take some pictures of the village (we should charge) while an army of workers come and go, leaving the back door open and making endless cups of dusty tea. James and I are currently hiding in the sitting room (as yet untouched) as I manically type and wonder when he's finally going to have a nap this morning. This 'flying by the seat of our pants/no routine' lifestyle is a precarious one.

It took a week for this to happen with William but I've held out for 3 this time....the fact is that James has become increasingly fractious at night, and I think we've been a bit lazy just feeding him as a way of calming him down. So we've created a pattern where James is feeding every couple of hours, not getting enough, tiring very quickly and waking up again every 2 hours or so starving hungry. So last night I decided enough was enough and we reverted to the old routine of pacing up and down the sitting room until finally James settled. Then as soon as I snuck upstairs and tried to put him down he'd shriek again - and so on and so on until finally at half-past midnight and a feed, he finally admitted defeat and went to bed in his own cot. Peace ensued until a whopping 4.30am and then again until 8.00am when he had breakfast. So now I'm going to play things by ear and see how today pans out without worrying about trying to put him into a routine. Who knows wh...

All the boys are asleep in bed after a very busy day spent helping The Greens go scrumping and then a long lunch with Lindsey and Mark. Will has had a great time with so many people to play football with, and as for James, well after another long night last night he's been asleep all afternoon and most of this evening to the point where I didn't give him a bath, I thought it best to top him up and then put him to bed. He's been quiet as a mouse ever since... So now I'm worrying again that he hasn't fed much this afternoon, but I guess it could be a number of things: a) He could be trying to shake off Will's cold b) A growth spurt c) Just needed some sleep (he was very fractious this morning) Who knows? Hopefully at some point he'll wake up starving and I'll feel order has been restored. In the meantime I'm leaving all of the sleeping beauties well alone until 7.45pm when I have strict instructions to wake the biggest of the three for the second rugby...

So much for a quiet pizza in front of the box. James has a sixth sense when it comes to Heroes and screams bang on 9.00pm in order to cause maximum disruption. At the same time Will's cold kicked in so miserable howls from above also ensued through the snot and dribble. It then became a case of juggling 1, 2 and the TV trying to settle the boys down and keep a weather eye on what was going on (I can't BELIEVE Nathan is Clare's father). Kept Will at home today, still streaming and totally bunged up, but as usual bright as a button and not complaining at all bless him. So I now have about an hour of peace to witter and get my head down. Better try and get some sleep now before the howls begin again. Night night.

All OK in the Houghton household. It's amazing how quiet life is with just one baby to look after while Will is at nursery. How did I ever think looking after William was hard work! Eddie and I went out for a celebratory lunch which felt especially decadent as I actually had TWO glasses of wine - in a row. A first in over 9 months. James is doing really well and is an angel for the most part. Today we took him to Burghclere to visit Granny, Grandpa and Mummy and I'm really happy that Mummy's headstone is finally up now. It felt very emotional to be there with James as it was such early days in the pregnancy when Mummy died. It's impossible to believe that she isn't here with us. Now, with Number 2 asleep, all we have on our plates this evening (apart from a Pizza Express American Hot in front of 'Heroes') is looking after Will who is on the verge of coming down with a hideous cold poor little mite. I will spend the rest of my days worrying about them.

Happy days on the farm with Will, James, Eliza and Cordelia.

Feeling stronger every day - physically at least, although still have moments where I feel totally overwhelmed and unable to cope. I do really worry about how I'm going to be when Eddie is back at work, but must try to remember that we are a family and I am not going to be alone. These first early days are so hard, because it feels as though Eddie and I are leading separate lives under the same roof while he looks after Will and I focus on James. But gradually we're coming back together and soon I know that we'll be on more of an even keel. In the meantime I'm just enjoying having a newborn baby in the house again - sleepless nights and screaming aside, it's a very precious time and will be over all too soon.

No, I'm not depressed - not properly anyway - but thought it was worth a quick whinge about my ravaged state post-baby just to get it out of my system. So here are the top 10 horrors I'm currently trying to rise above: 1) Knickers that come up above my tummy button (in TAUPE - thank you Eddie) 2) Always Maxi pads - I might as well be wearing one of Will's nappies 3) A blobby tummy that shows no sign of disappearing (although I have now managed to wipe off the biro marks that various doctors left on it) 4) Breast pads 5) Constant exhaustion 6) Constipation 7) Running out of drugs 8) Ingrowing hairs, in fact hairs of all kinds - I've got to get myself a decent wax/hair cut 9) Towelling - Owwwww 10) Showers, forget it, way too painful And a note to me after another sleepless night feeding every hour, comforting a screeching child, soothing Will who's been woken up and waking up in a pool of sweat...nice...Listen carefully...: I am NOT doing this again.

All the time you're pregnant you dream of the things you can't have; gin and tonics, pate, rare steak, stilton etc etc. But the reality is, once you can have whatever you want, it's a complete anti-climax. Last night I had half a cider as an aperatif followed by a small glass of red wine with supper. After a sleepless night feeding James virtually on the hour every hour I woke up feeling appalling - light-headed, weak, sick and exhausted. I think it's a bit of everything but I think I'll go back to my life as a teetotaller for a bit, I just can't face another morning feeling this awful.

Settling down to life as a foursome, it feels very natural and I can honestly say if we never have any more children that's absolutely fine - I am so proud of my two boys. The main struggle is the sleepless nights, Oh My God, I'd forgotten how hard it is to go without sleep. We've agreed on a system where Eddie sleeps in the spareroom now once James kicks off so that he's fresh in the mornings to look after William. Last night James started crying at 3.30am and finally went to sleep at 6.00am....urrrgh. Felt SO tired but forced myself out of bed at 7am to go to playgroup with the girls and introduce them to Will. It was great fun until Eddie turned up late, by which time everyone had gone home and it was just me, Will and James left in this huge empty hall. Emotional meltdown ensued. I'm very fragile. Sitting typing with a medicinal sloe gin and tonic - nectar. Eddie and Will go 'foraging in the hedgerows' most afternoons so we now have damson gin, sloe gi...