Fish keeping

So you buy a couple of goldfish, bung 'em in a tank and Bob's your uncle.....not so.

First, you have to 'cycle' your tank with a number of different potions before they'll even consider giving you a fish. When I finally managed to get it right - 6 weeks later - fish no 1 (Marty) was dead within a week. Not the greatest start but fish no 2 (Nemo) seemed OK so we decided to persevere and find him a new friend.

More water issues, no more fish. Another 3 weeks of faffing around with potions in the water and we were finally allowed fish no 3 (Little Marty). Attempting to pass him off as the original was an utter failure so we ended up agreeing that the orignal Marty had gone to hospital and this went down well. He lasted a week.

Embarressed, I ended up going to a new fish shop to try to avoid a reputation as a murderer of fish. After yet another water test I felt utterly neurotic and went home with fish no 4 (Big Fat Marty). Shortly afterwards our incumbant, Nemo, decided to give up the ghost, lurking at the bottom of the tank glowering at us before finally floating gently to the surface, a spent force.

So we were left with BFM, all alone in the tank, and for a while it was OK. Until he started to grow fungus from every orifice. An emergency dash to an amused Tadley Pet Supplies and I was armed with the correct medicine to fix the problem. It worked! A miracle!

Pride comes before a fall, and over the next few days although BFM seems happier, he was now covered in little spikes. Calling yet another shop so as not to be identified, I was told the only way to rid the fish of these anchor worms was to remove it from the tank and tweezer them off. Not knowing whether to laugh or sink to the floor and weep, it was with shaking hands I carefully put Marty onto a damp piece of kitchen roll and did the honours (the timer set to 1 minute and a jug of water nearby to let him get his breath back).

Worms removed, he is absolutely a new fish, and I have Practical Fishkeeping Magazine in my favourites and a serious fear that I'm becoming a fish nerd.

I am a fish nerd aren't I.

B~gger.